just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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