The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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