I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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