Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
