I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The air was thick with penises
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize