Don't you send me to vm
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it hurts more in the daytime
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
