So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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