There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
