Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
