If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
