these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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