I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
