9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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