The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
