its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
