I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
