I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
