If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
