great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize