you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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