I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
