he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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