Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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