We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I will be naked everywhere
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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