Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I would fuck him just for his dog
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
