I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
