I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
50% drunk capacity currently
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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