You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I still have a little drunk in my system
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
