And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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