I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
