he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
