did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
