You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
