The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize