Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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