you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
