there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
