Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
you never un-have a 4some
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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