fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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