we made out on top of his cat.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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