all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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