Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
