You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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