I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
