Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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