We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
