I'm drive I can fine osifer
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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