I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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