I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
