I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
