Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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