I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
