What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize