Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I deserve this hangover.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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