At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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