Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
