billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
