New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
And then he peed in my hair
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