My room smells like vodka and shame
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm at about main and main street
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
