My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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