i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
