she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
