i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
