"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
