Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
