just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
