He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
